28 Lines to Make You Smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
2.. I don’t suffer from insanity;  I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but  it broke.
5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out  alive.
  

6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the  universe
9.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some  parts are missing

10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people;  He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little  chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time  between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and  forget to start again? 
16.. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better  than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the  Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!

 

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts;  Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of  grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash  advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow  Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most  toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26..Ham and eggs…A day’s work  for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a  pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there’s no  background music.

 This one is my hands-down favorite:
   

 28.. I smile because I don’t know  what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!

Thank you Judie for this!

One thought on “28 Lines to Make You Smile

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